Jude: Our Little Miracle

"When we found out Jude had a cleft lip, it was quickly after we lost our baby boy Ramsey at 21 weeks, during my pregnancy with Jude I tried not to think about the cleft lip, and kept telling myself it could be worse. At the end of my pregnancy was really when the anxiety kicked in thinking will I think he’s ‘ugily’ how will I cope and found it really hard being surrounded by friends ‘perfect’ babies.  The moment jude was born I remember looking at his lip and instantly falling in love with it and him! All my anxiety left and I was so thankful for Jude to be in my arms happy and healthy.  When it came to his lip repair I found it extremely difficult as I loved his lip so much I didn’t want it ‘fixed’ and after his operation it took me a few weeks for him to not feel foreign for me, and I felt awful because he was my baby. I’d say it took a good 3 weeks and for the glue and stitches to have heeled before I looked at him one day smiling back at me and instant fell In love again. I don’t think the impact of not recognising your baby after surgery is spoken about and that it is ok to need that time, to mourn your babies first smile and to learn to love his new smile :)"